Beautiful

- Do you think I'm Beautiful? (by: Angela Thomas)

Beautiful
God, I'm struggling here.
I believe that You said it, but did You really mean it about me?
Good grief, You see me in the shower, for heaven's sake.
Beautiful is not the first word that would pop into my head.
Average might be the word I'd use. Common. Ordinary.
But not beautiful.
If anyone knows the truth about this body, it's You. Every jiggle and wiggle. Every sag and bag. You witness my attempts to harness it all up and suck it all in. You see me first thing in the morning every single day.
And beyond my body, there is my heart. Again, beautiful doesn't really come to mind here either. Flawed. Inconsistent. Petty. Insecure. All those words seem to speak the truth that hides inside me.
How could You call me beautiful?
Are You sure? I know You are God and of course You're sure, but maybe You had some poetic imagery in mind. Maybe You were speaking in broad terms about the beauty of Your creation. Did you really think of me when You said, "The king is enthralled with your beauty"?
I keep hearing these whispers in my head,"Don't believe it, don't believe all of it. Sounds too good to be true. Could be like the guy who said I was beautiful but forgot to call me back. He only meant it in the moment, not for real."
Believing. It seems to be the key to the whole deal with You. I desperately want to believe but unbelief interrupts my effort. Doubts come to me. Skepticism speaks to me. Sometimes I hear what others haven't said about me more loudly than I can hear You. I have believed in You almost all my life, so why does unbelief still whisper to me? Why am I prone to incline my head and listen?

- great book- liked the passage