{The Gospel}

Strong words by Tim Keller...love the truth in this 

{hearts desire}

Lord enable me to become absolutely diligent in spending daily time with you, to be fervent in prayer with all honesty, love and adoration. That I would strive to speak boldly with compassion and discernment. Praying and seeking wisdom and knowledge, but not to come off to others as "to good". May I be and remain broken before you Lord, and ask for encounters with you that bring daily transformation. Lord, I believe and trust that you will and have begun doing this in me. I lay my life down before you...you have my heart

{becoming...}

It is safe to say, I am learning a lot right now...

No, I wouldn't change it for anything- even if you told me that it would make everything easier and maybe even make sense. I think we all have moments where we wish we knew why something was happening or why we are going through a trial. Here's the deal- we don't need to know, when we know and believe in our hearts that God is sovereign and our provider. 

Did you catch that???

GOD IS SOVEREIGN (supreme, preeminent, above all, with all power) 

I have to remind myself of this daily. Often, many times throughout. It is something I know, yet strive to believe and trust. 

One of my favorite things to do is sit down with women and hear their stories. The story of grace in their life- How Jesus chose them, captured their heart, romanced them, and called them to Him...it's the pursuit- how perfect it is. I see God's sovereignty daily, no joke there. Another thing I love is being able to recognize God's movement in and through others lives...my goodness, it brings me to tears when I see Him working even in the slightest way. 

I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends and could not be (well, could be) more thankful for them and my family. I would consider myself a passionate protective friend, sometimes to a fault-but I am learning. Isn't that amazing... we continue to learn-I never want to stop learning, honestly. 

In saying that- there are many times I become over protective and speak quickly without really taking the time to think and process. I don't want to make excuses for myself blaming it on the fact that I am protective and want what God's best is for them, so I won't, but I am realizing this about myself...with help :) I'm beyond thankful for learning situations, because I know this is absolutely a work of the Lord and He is transforming me more into his likeness. I wouldn't want anything different, but it's not easy. Realizing these things I go to the automatic thought of- "Oh no, I hurt them"

I have been learning and studying a lot about becoming a woman of a gentle and quiet spirit. It is not my first instinct; which is not a bad thing, but it is something I really feel the Lord has directed me to pursue- and so I go... I have a competitive nature- one that wants to do well at tasks set before me and I have learned so much through that. I really believe I have found a lot of strength and the ability to persevere because of that, but there are other characteristics that I desire to have as well. 

So, think about it...what characteristic do you possess, and how do you desire to grow in those and change in them as well?

-Help me out now...what do you think it means to be a woman of a gentle and quiet spirit? 

-When you see this in others, what is it that draws you to that conclusion? 

My prayer is this- that I would hold fast to 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." Lord, lead me...I want to learn

{Interesting}

It has been forever and trust me I have a good reason...

When I started seminary first of all my schedule went all crazy and I got ridiculously busy...second, I was not able to sign into my blog because the new school email messed with the email associated with my blog and all sorts of mess happened.

So, tonight as I am sitting here just finished my devo time I decided to figure this out because so much has been going on that I wanted to write again :)

Needless to say, I am excited to be back- we will see how frequently I can get on and actually write because I will become a hermit this coming semester, but Hey! let's test it out...

This is something I wrote and realized the other day- it is more for a friend (really two friends) but why not share it without getting specific-

Because God knows and understands ALL and ALL about 

where you are: in life; in thoughts, etc. we are led to a place

 in Him at times where He literally wants us to just ask

 questions and submit to Him in that way. You are learning about

 patience and submission- He is NOT silent, but He IS listening

 to you patiently with ALL understanding of ALL of your questions. 

He is not ready to answer your cry yet, BUT when He does, 

it will be bold and strong, maybe even loud. You will know and at that 

time your response will be repentance, surrender, and praise to Him.

 Rest in that- you don't NEED to understand it. 

-EGD 1-6-13

Praying and Believing God for BIG things this year

{I gotta feelin'}

You know that feeling that you get in your stomach when something big is happening in your life? I can actually say that I have had that feeling all week so far...and it is exhausting! (In a good way) This week bring a lot of change for me- being accepted to Seminary, training once again (finally), registering for classes without an advisor to literally walk me through, buying my textbooks, and so much more.

There is a smile on my face, that is for certain. There is also a pit in my stomach...a pit of uncertainty, of "is this really happening???"

I can laugh about it and then move on...scripture tells me-

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:6

Yes, I can rest in this...

I'm just saying...my mind is on overload! haha 

Lord, my goodness, my emotions are like a bouncy ball in a room with nothing in it but walls. I am on my knees in adoration of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for choosing me to be yours and igniting a passion within my heart to serve you in a mighty way. I pray so desperately that YOU be glorified!

{At times I laugh}

At times I laugh, 

At times I cry, 

At times I wonder why...

This time was a duel, 

I almost felt like a fool, 

until the peace came I felt like a mule. 

The confusion set in, 

quick doubts ran rampant,

then the peace settled in. 

When the peace came in, 

The smile of a perm-a-grin, 

I was able to breathe and take it in. 

Thankful- eucharisto 

Yesterday, was a day I will remember. It is marked on my thankful wall and written on my facebook wall. (Ok enough with the rhyming). Yesterday, around 10am I was accepted into the Master's program of Women's Leadership with a Minor in Biblical Counseling  at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary for the start of the fall semester. If you would have asked me a year ago what I was going to do, I would have gotten pretty frustrated with you and probably told you that I was going to go into Physician Assistant program around this area.

It couldn't be more different than that, and I could not be more excited about this chapter. Yes, it is going to be difficult, it is going to stretch me to incredible limits, it is going to change me as an individual in all areas, and the best thing is that however long this takes me to complete- I get to spend this time being extremely intentional learning about my God in a way I have not been able to before! When knowledge and wisdom increase, intimacy increases-therefore, I get to fall more in love with my Savior.

My goodness, my trust is in the Lord. I need His strength, peace, and mercy...and His affirmation alone.  Wow, God!

I am ready, I am saying yes, I am going, stepping and not stopping!

{thoughts on Psalm 139:13-16}

Now, don't get me wrong... I love reading through the Psalms and David's laments to the Lord. I love seeing and realizing that He is real, that he is human, that he struggled, and fought, tried to give up, fought some more and continued crying out. Throughout the book of Psalms we get 150 of these songs/laments mostly of David crying out, reaching out, and on his face before the Lord. Where are our modern day Davids'? Anyone else have that question????

So here goes, Psalm 139:13-16

[13] For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

[14] I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

[15] My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

[16] Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16 ESV)

Now, with all of this health stuff continuing, I would be lying if I told you I was not fighting with this truth....I have been upset, frustrated, emotionally drained and honestly exhausted of trying to understand where the Lord has me right now and why I am dealing with this. A friend pointed me to James 1:1-4 and I got angry...I didn't want to hear that I should be thankful for this trial I am enduring, but I read it and have been meditating on it. I have also been trying to be thankful and joyous through all of this.

For those of you who read this and aren't sure where I am coming from right now, I am working though more medical testing for a multitude of other symptoms I have been having. Specifically last week, we got news back that yes, everything pointed to one answer and if it was actually that diagnosis then things would really start looking up...I would be feeling better, etc. just by changing my diet, mostly. But, you guessed it...that diagnosis came back negative. I took the news in from the Dr. with a gulp and lump in my throat followed by many tears...but started reflecting on words I had just read the night before...

"Being thankful always precedes a miracle....eucharisteo meaning Thankful....have thanks and be thankful in everything, even in the mess"-Ann Voskamp (paraphrase and emphasis added from Me)

I start asking myself...how in the world can I be thankful in this...when there are no answers right now, when we have to start "searching" once again..hmmm Yet, scripture kept floating in my head. I flipped back to Psalm 139 and began reading. I stopped quickly faced with this reminder that God, MY MAKER, CREATOR, ALMIGHTY God formed me...He alone knitted me together...then it says, "I praise you...." hold on a minute!!!!!! I praise you....I praise the Lord...I praise the one who formed me...I praise the one who knew and knows what is going on in me...wait, what?!?! David says, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" WHOA! My thoughts...can I actually say that I know that in my heart right now? Yes, I can absolutely say that I know this is truth, that is is active today as much as it was real and active for David, but my heart says, how can I be wonderfully made, when I am sick? When my body is killing itself?

There is a very special word used mostly throughout the Psalms...it is Selah. 

Now there is some debate on what it directly translates to but most scholars believe it means "to pause"; "to praise". I love this...it means...hold up a minute, what you just read was PROFOUND! Selah is not used in this Psalm, but I paused and tried to process what I was reading, what I know as truth and what my heart was telling me at that time...I was frustrated, yet I always come back to this...the day I found out about my tumor (which started all of this medical stuff) I prayed that morning in my time with the Lord that I would get to experience Him in a new way...I had never experienced Him as my healer. BOOM! 


So I continue reading...verse 15- when I was being made is secret, INTRICATELY woven in the depths of the earth...wow,  I should catch that, should have more peace than even knowing that the Creator of the Universe, created me and formed me and breathed life into me... I should have peace that He clearly knows me and is aware of every sickness I will have... I desire so much glorify Him with everything I am. So I am saying this now and proclaiming it loud...My life, everything I am is in His hands (no where better to be)....I have peace that He is in control, He knows all diagnoses, He gives the Dr.'s the wisdom and knowledge and in His perfect timing and in His will I will be healed...yet I also recognize and believe that only if it is His will, I will be healed and yet I am absolutely called to glorify and make His name known in every season of my life.


I pray daily that I will be in a place where I can serve Him to my greatest potential, that I will be in a place to glorify His name above every other name and that I would live and love in the center of His will. THANK YOU JESUS for this season...I love to live in the valley because there I am closest to my knees and bow out of adoration of you.