flashback

Recently I have been reminiscing an awful lot about my time with my Grandpa (Poppa). We had such a special relationship and I miss him dearly...this is a post I found today that I wrote exactly 1 day after he passed away...

Oh my where to begin...I guess saying it is finally Erin is a good start :)
Yes, I am the "teacher" and crazy addicted to sports and pretty much any athletic "thing"I can get my hand on...Kristin did such a nice job introducing the three of us, but I want to be sure to state that she is awesome! So is Suz, no doubt! I feel so honored to live life with these two girls. Like Kristin said, we met in college and have continued a friendship ever since with the roller coaster inside each I am sure...Anyway-

I have to be ridiculously honest right now and tell you that I am hurting more than I ever have. KT said that I could say everything I was feeling because no one reads this anyway and then says...you never know, it may help someone...HA she makes me laugh!

So, just to put you into perspective, My sweet Poppa passed away last night exactly 24 hours from when I am typing this (WEIRD!!!!!), anyway, he is the only Grandpa I have ever had and I was so close to him. This is also the first death of the family which makes this ever so confusing and painful for me. He leaves behind so much family and so many amazing memories. But there is something so much more in is precious life we were so blessed to share with him- stay with me here, my mind is going in all sorts of directions...

KT told you (whoever YOU are) that we have been studying the "love" chapter...1 Corinthians 13. I think I can speak for us all and say that we have been constantly dumbfounded maybe a better word would be wrecked by this piece of scripture. It has a world of meaning behind it and the Lord has been so sweet as to share another meaning of Love with us. As we have been walking through verse after verse we are continually reminded that love is a choice, it is so much more than an emotion, it is a lifestyle, an understanding, a trust, gosh I could go on forever....but LOVE can be defined and understood in sooooo many ways...

From this past week with Thanksgiving in between I cannot even begin to explain the emotions running through my head...spending this last holiday with my Poppa was one I will never forget. But, I have a question for you......What does love mean to you? ........think about it, it is not an easy answer.....The Lord has shown me love in such a new way in the past couple hours.
I want to share a picture with you that I took just days ago... (my Grandpa holding my Grandmas hand)

Now easily this could be just a picture, and to you it probably is...who am I kidding, but can't this be an amazing picture of love? Sure my Grandparents had arguments and bickered, but my goodness they were married for 63 years!!!!!! Talk about love never ending, being patient, not being envied, but being joyful...I asked my Poppa the other day, just this past Wednesday what his favorite memory was...without having to think more than 5 seconds he said, the day I married your Grandmother. Precious....but how much more exciting would it have been if he said, the day I accepted Jesus? Now, I will tell you that he definitely knew God, but I will also tell you that I am pretty sure the relationship Jesus so graciously offers was not taken from my Poppa. Saturday evening I had the opportunity to hold my Poppa's hand for a good 45 minutes and I sat and told him everything about my Jesus that I could. While looking at my Poppa and praying for him, crying out for him for peace and comfort, I was so incredibly convicted...convicted because I hadn't really taken the opportunity until that point to literally talk to him about what I hold highest in my life (so I say). Yes, actions speak louder than words, and he knew that I was a believer and held my relationship with Jesus very high in my life, but if I am truly IN LOVE, passionate, and following Jesus this shouldn't have been the first time I was vocalizing my faith. I don't know what my Poppa heard when I was telling him about the greatest gift ever and about the transformation of my life, but I do believe I did what we are so called to do, I shared Jesus with him...the important part for me to understand and believe is that, I do not hold his salvation in my hands, I have no saving power (thank goodness, right!) but seriously....it was amazing! I felt ridiculously silly talking and crying to my big gentle giant of a grandpa sleeping with oxygen pumping constantly, but I shared the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Enough said.

As I was getting ready to drive home that night, one of my Aunts asked me to pray with her....quickly I responded "Absolutely" and walked outside holding her hand and prayed...prayed some more and then ended giving my Poppa to Jesus. She looked at me and said, "Erin, I find so much strength in you", quickly I corrected her and said, "I get it all from Jesus, so rest in that" and her response was one I will never ever forget...."Well, this Jesus is changing lives in this family".

And this is where I will end.