{One Day}

This is so exciting and I was talking to a friend the other day when she said, "I don't know if you are blogging any more, but you really need to write that down." So here goes, this is just a quick reminder of how great and powerful our God is...

So the other day I was at my favorite coffee shop in town and I was reflecting on what the Lord has shown me in the past couple months and what I have been asking for that maybe he has not revealed to me quite yet. In that sweet moment I was journaling and thought, man I really need to hear a word from you right now Lord. My heart was heavy and thoughts were scrambled, but I knew one thing for sure was that I needed to hear from the Lord in his amazingly sweet voice. I asked one thing and that was to know that one day, just one day that I would feel normal again from all of this sickness. Believing that He could absolutely speak to me, I started my study for that day in a book that I am doing with my life group called, Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. I remembering opening the study to where I left off and began reading. The story/scripture that I was looking at was when the Lord was leading Moses to the burning bush in Exodus. The scripture starts off reading, "ONE DAY"!!!!!! Ok Lord, I get it, I thought quickly....ONE DAY, that one day promise that I will feel better and normal again. This is the first time, other than my salvation that I have felt a real promise from the Lord directly relating to my life. How stinking cool is that!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to share and maybe give hope to someone that is feeling similar to me :) Also, this song by Shane and Shane has been on my heart and giving me amazing hope the past couple days...

MIracle by Shane and Shane

Every week I hear a story of a miracle
And if I'm honest I'm tired of seeing none at all
I don't need to see a dead man come alive
All I want is You to fill me up inside

I need You Lord
Even more than the air I breathe
I need You Lord
Right away
I need You Lord
Every minute of every day
I need You Lord
Right away

Today I'm asking for a miracle
Anything you got God big or small
I don't need to see the cancer go away
All that I want is to know that it will be OK

I need You, I need You

reality check

I know it has been awhile, but felt like writing...I have been feeling so different and abnormal lately and I kinda of somewhat need to write about everything I am learning and realizing. This past weekend I had the opportunity to go and visit some friends down in ft. myers and had a great encouraging talk with them, but had an amazingly difficult realization of where I am in life right now with emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. I have been trapping myself in this world of comfort that when I try to venture from it, I become ridiculously anxious and uncomfortable....why? you may ask, I have no clue, but I have learned to make great excuses in my recovery. Now I know that at times I am hard on myself and yes, I do think and know that this is a time of recovery and rest for me, but I have become a different person. I am fearing, literally fearing almost every opportunity that arises. This is such an unhealthy place to be and one that many people get stuck in and that is another fear of mine. I don't want to be here forever, but the fear of thinking that I am never going to get better is out of control! I think really what I need to do and I know that I need to do this, is to surrender it all to the Lord and let Him control my thoughts and actions my fears and passions my everythings...(that could at some point turn into a song..haha) So I am going to stop typing right now and start praying to my awesome soverign God....would you join me in my prayer for healing? I would love and appreciate that!

Oh, these times...

Man, the past week has been so different and difficult for me. Where I am in my recovery is becoming so frustrating to me, not knowing and understanding what is going on with my body, feeling like I am not getting any better and just wanting my be in my bed because that is where I am comfortable. I know this is a lot to vent on, and I'm sorry if it feels like I am on a "whoa is me" kick, but I am just sharing what I am feeling right now.

When I go to the dr. almost everytime I am asked, "hey, so do you feel depressed"? and my response has consistently been, "no" yet I feel that, that is the only answer that I right as a "Christian" to give. I feel like depression is so looked down upon in our faith because we are to look to the Lord for our strength and joy and ultimately have full joy and satisfaction in the Lord, all the time through everything (yes, every trial and tribulation). I'm not saying that my response to dr.'s would be different if this wasn't the case, but boy do I feel the pressure from other believers to give the "right" answer.

I am continually striving to pursue the Lord and find my strength and peace in Him and Him alone, but the battle or wrestling is not always easy to do or find. Especially, when this feels not so much as an emotional discomfort if you will, but truly a physical exhaustion that I have never experienced before. Oh so frustrating it is!

I have recently been studying the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet and a priest, who was ever so aware of God's presence and power. It is said that His vision of the valley of dry bones is a classic picture of God's ability to renew his people. In chap. 6 of this book he is speaking to the people of Israel and telling them about the word that came to him through the Lord. At least 4 times in this piece of scripture he ends a statement with "and you shall know that I am the Lord." This is just one prime example of what we should see as believers after and through every strife we go through, we should come out believing and saying "through this, I know that HE is Lord". Through our idols, strongholds, struggles, high places, etc. He will bring us to a place where we understand that "He is Lord"!

"Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!" Psalm 97:12

Norman Anderson

In a recent blog scroll I have been reading, I came across this lovely story of life and the meaning of it....wanted to share :)


Norman Anderson was a missionary for many years in the Moslem world. He was a recognised world expert in Islamic law and latter became the Director of the Advanced Legal Institute in London University. He was knighted by the Queen and became Sir Norman Anderson. Some of you may have also read the many books he wrote. But his personal life was full of tragedies.

His eldest daughter served as missionary in Congo. She was raped by the rebellious soldiers and as she was recovered in America, she fell down the stairs accidentally and died.

His second son also died in equally bizarre circumstances.

His youngest son, a brilliant student, was admitted to Cambridge University. But at the age of 21, he died suddenly because of a brain tumour.

Sir Norman is the modern day equivalent of Job, except, unlike Job, God did not even restore his family back to him in his lifetime. But his faith is anchored in eternity.

Sir Norman, just before his death in his mid-eighties, was asked a question at one of his last public meetings: "When you look back over your life and reflect on the fact that you have lost all your three children, and now your wife of sixty years no longer recognises you, do you ever ask the question, "Why me?" "

This was Sir Norman's response: "No, I've never asked the question, "Why me?" but I have asked the question, "Why not me?" I am not promised, simply because I am a Christian, that I will be delivered from all difficulties in this world. I am, however, promised that in the midst of difficulties, God through Christ will be present with me, and will give his grace to help me cope with the difficulties and bear witness to Him. After all, the stars shine brightest in the desert."

{restless}

I recently went to an Audrey Assad concert, which was absolutely amazing! Obviously from my last post you can see that I was struggling in my singleness a bit because I am trying to be in a place of utter contentment with the Lord and resting in Him. One of her songs hit me pretty hard (in a good way) and I wanted to share my thoughts :)

***********
Restless- Audrey Assad

You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)

Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart

Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry

I am restless until I rest in You


Written by Audrey Assad and Matt Maher
© 2010 River Oaks Music Company (BMI)
Matt Maher Publishing Designee
(Admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

Things that make me say, "Hmmm..."

1. Boys- they confuse me, sometimes irritate me, make me re-think a lot, and sometimes sad to say- make my heart hurt. Please, by no means am I saying right now that I was "n love" or even really seriously liking a boy, but I am terrible at even beginning to understand them, their motives, and did I say them in general???

Goodness! Lord, would you please just take my eyes and set them upon you and when the time is right put that person in front of me and let me not fall into this pit of destruction that I would be lying in if it wasn't for you!

2. The thought of even thinking about an intimate relationship...ha ha

3. How wonderfully, loving and gracious my God is!

4. Silly people at concerts that clap at the wrong time or clap so loudly you want to turn around and smack them in the face :)

5. Pretty much every time I am reading my Bible...(this is a good thing, I think)

6. What God is going to teach me in the next week, shoot even tomorrow

7. Why God takes such great people that mean so much in your life, out of your life and move you forward

8. school

9. witness strangers do something I think is very, let's say "different", not knowing their motives behind it

10. last but not least....why I am writing this post..hahahahaha


Lord, let me rest in you....

by nature...

In a recent book I am reading by Max Lucado, "He Did This Just For You", Max makes a crushing point on the nature of our beings...
"According to the Bible, we are "by nature children of wrath" (Eph. 2:3). Is is not that we can't do good. We do. It's just that we cant keep from doing bad"..."There is none righteous, not even one...All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:10,23).

As I think about this truth and then my life I cannot help but be forever grateful for the grace and mercy of Jesus. For His perfect life as an example for us that we so often, really let's be honest, all the time fail at. Sure, we can be good people and do good things, but we can't keep from doing wrong at the same time, more of the time.

Last night, I was talking to a friend of mine and sharing different things going on in my life that I have been learning or that I am unsure of. It became so much of the unaware that I am learning this, stage that I became overwhelmed with what was on my 'plate". Being a good friend, she spoke truth into my life and encouraged me to work through it with much prayer and study. I got home and finished reading Ecclesiastes where I had been learning that everything happens at a certain time, at the right time, and at the time that God has ordained it to happen. I was wondering where to read next, and for some unknown reason I started in Lamentations. The book of Lamentations is composed of 5 poems, which are each an expression of grief and sorrow over the fall of Jerusalem. Not really understanding why I was reading this, I dove in and was trying to understand where the writer was coming from...putting myself in his position, you can say. So from studying this sorrow and different aspects of grief, I was feeling even more "down" then previously until I came upon this verse... "Arise, cry out into the night, at the beginning of the night watches! Pour out your heart like water before the presence of the Lord!" Lamentations 2:19

Man, what a clear word from the Lord...Erin, would you just tell me what is on your mind...what your thoughts and worries are...difficulties, fears, unknowns...


I know I don't really have much to say in this post and it is not very specific, but I think I just want this to be an encouragement to you (whoever you are), to pour out your everything to the Lord...the best part, Psalm 121:3-4 "He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep."

Just some fun...

A Time and a Place

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15
"1TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:
2A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted,(A) 3A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, 4A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, 7A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,(B) 8A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.(C) 9 What profit remains for the worker from his toil? 10I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves. 11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. 12I know that there is nothing better for them than to be glad and to get and do good as long as they live; 13And also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor--it is the gift of God. 14I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it. And God does it so that men will [reverently] fear Him [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is].(D)15That which is now already has been, and that which is to be already has been; and God seeks that which has passed by [so that history repeats itself ]. (AMP)

After this week with many different things going on; being on vacation with some dear friends, reflecting on my past couple of months with surgery and all, recovering, and recently the verdict of the Casey Anthony trial, I have been rocked by this piece of scripture. Can you even count how many time we, by a multitude of people are told "There is a time and a place for everything"? In this piece of scripture it is said loud and clear in verse 1 "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"...and goes on to list about 20 different occasions and events that we experience in our lives. It is said that Kind Solomon wrote this poetic piece of scripture from events that were going on during his reign, also known as the "Preacher" he was looking back at the meaning of his life....which I find myself doing at this time.

To move forward with my point about the Casey Anthony trial...I am not going to sit a sulk from the verdict of the case. Do I believe that justice was served, that is a whole other post, but I do trust and know that my God knows exactly what happen and will judge her at the time in her life that will come, whether we like it or not. I am looking at verse 14, "I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him" (ESV) This not only gives me "peace" about this recent event in our lives, but with everything I can even begin to reminisce about.

As I sit and ponder about the meaning of justice, I began to ask myself many questions...according to disctionary.com justice means, the quality of being fair and reasonable...think about that..."For everything there is a season, and a time for EVERY matter under heaven..."

down and back

numb fingers with hot coffee

I'm sitting at a starbucks in the area and I am freezing my fingers off as I am typing, but for some reason I am still sitting where the air is blowing furiously down at me and loving every single sip of my decaf caramel macchiato...YUM! There is some pretty sweet music playing in the back ground, not to loud but I can make out the lyrics...great blogging setting, right! So, ever since my last post, I have been thinking about what my next one would be, trying to keep this and all of my thoughts up to date. I have been debating PA (Physician Assistant) school for a couple months now and like I said in my last post, I am excited about the confirmation I got. A new semester or chapter of my life that for some reason I get to glance at. I say that only because there are not many times as we are following the Lord that He is so gracious to let us see what we are looking at. I'm not saying that things wont change or that there won't be surprises in the mean time, but goodness known I am not stressing out about what is next.

I have been reading this blog for a couple days www.theologyforwomen.org/2011_05_01_archive.html , and I have been so encouraged by this woman. In one of her posts about a month ago, she was talking about singleness and how it is not ok to be alone. Now, I have my own thoughts about this aspect about it not being "good" for you because the Lord knows how much I have grown from not being in a relationship but she made a very important point that I wanted to share with you all, wherever you are in your faith, in your life, in your relationships...
"If there is a lesson to learn in your singleness, it's to stay engaged with God in the wrestling. It's not to put to death longings that are part of your very God-given nature. And it's not to disengage with God because He refuses to answer those longings. It's to stay engaged with Him, alternately crying out in longing and resting in peace in His arms, calling on Him at every moment to meet the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs exposed by your unfulfilled longing. "

So, take out the word singleness and enter in the "struggle" that you are going through...come on, how powerful and true is this statement in your life? I have been studying the book of Hosea with my life group and I have been so challenged with the aspect of relationships. It struggle is so obvious that the Israelites are having (funny side note: I just saw the absolutely most gorgeous guy standing by me...my heart fluttered- me being vulnerable- then I see the wedding ring...HA) anyway, so the first 10 chapters of Hosea shows this huge wrestling match, or everything other than a wrestling match because that takes effort on both sides, this shows God's unrelenting grace and pursuit of our hearts. The Israelites are throwing out burnt offerings and sacrifices like it is going out of style, but my goodness they cannot grasp that they are far from glorifying God in their actions, in their lives. Through this, the Lord led me to Proverbs 2 "My son, if you receive my words and treasure my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining you heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints." How crazy that this becomes one of the greatest examples of the pursuit of a relationship as I am studying one of the greatest pursuits in the Bible. In chapter 11 God then gives us the greatest revelation- He says, the more they were called, the more they walked away; He himself led them, he said with cords of kindness with the bands of love and he fed them. Then a couple verses later He says, "My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my burning anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath." HE does not and will not give up on us for move away from us...good truth, goooooood truth.

Now my coffee is cold, what to do-what to do...I think go home :)

Seeking Confirmation

So, I know I haven't written in forever, but I think I am going to get back to it :) Just the other day I was taking part in a Bible study called, Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Schrier. GREAT study, so far and she made a really important point that hit me smack in the face. Most of the session was about the Holy Spirit and how this generation is "missing" the whole importance of this aspect of our faith. It is like a blank canvas to us, we just don't get it. So, near the end of the study she gives 5 M's of discerning the voice of God...I am thinking...wow this is the trick I have been missing for so long. 5 simple questions to ask myself when I am seeking an answer. But, something much more than that came to me as I was listening. The last M was, expecting the mercy of His confirmation. My thought: interesting...asking for confirmation; meaning we have already received an answer, but we are seeking more of a response. Hmmm, I am still caught up on this and if you read this (for some reason :)) let me know your thoughts! So as I am thinking about this, I start reflecting on what I am going through at the moment to see where this can be a thought. I think I was always taught and told that when the Lord speaks to you, and you recognize it (bc we all know sometimes we need an extra push), to act on it. I feel like if we are seeking confirmation then because we have already heard from the Lord then we are not acting. Don't get me wrong...I fully believe and understand that we need to make sure that we are discerning His voice apart from ours and others, but I kind of feel that it is questioning His answer to us.

Any who, throughout my mind going crazy about this whole thought process, I almost started laughing, I mean lets be real, I did start laughing out loud because the Lord totally gave me confirmation about going back to school. Now that is a whole other story, but how funny!

tell me what you think!