reality check

I know it has been awhile, but felt like writing...I have been feeling so different and abnormal lately and I kinda of somewhat need to write about everything I am learning and realizing. This past weekend I had the opportunity to go and visit some friends down in ft. myers and had a great encouraging talk with them, but had an amazingly difficult realization of where I am in life right now with emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. I have been trapping myself in this world of comfort that when I try to venture from it, I become ridiculously anxious and uncomfortable....why? you may ask, I have no clue, but I have learned to make great excuses in my recovery. Now I know that at times I am hard on myself and yes, I do think and know that this is a time of recovery and rest for me, but I have become a different person. I am fearing, literally fearing almost every opportunity that arises. This is such an unhealthy place to be and one that many people get stuck in and that is another fear of mine. I don't want to be here forever, but the fear of thinking that I am never going to get better is out of control! I think really what I need to do and I know that I need to do this, is to surrender it all to the Lord and let Him control my thoughts and actions my fears and passions my everythings...(that could at some point turn into a song..haha) So I am going to stop typing right now and start praying to my awesome soverign God....would you join me in my prayer for healing? I would love and appreciate that!