Man, the past week has been so different and difficult for me. Where I am in my recovery is becoming so frustrating to me, not knowing and understanding what is going on with my body, feeling like I am not getting any better and just wanting my be in my bed because that is where I am comfortable. I know this is a lot to vent on, and I'm sorry if it feels like I am on a "whoa is me" kick, but I am just sharing what I am feeling right now.
When I go to the dr. almost everytime I am asked, "hey, so do you feel depressed"? and my response has consistently been, "no" yet I feel that, that is the only answer that I right as a "Christian" to give. I feel like depression is so looked down upon in our faith because we are to look to the Lord for our strength and joy and ultimately have full joy and satisfaction in the Lord, all the time through everything (yes, every trial and tribulation). I'm not saying that my response to dr.'s would be different if this wasn't the case, but boy do I feel the pressure from other believers to give the "right" answer.
I am continually striving to pursue the Lord and find my strength and peace in Him and Him alone, but the battle or wrestling is not always easy to do or find. Especially, when this feels not so much as an emotional discomfort if you will, but truly a physical exhaustion that I have never experienced before. Oh so frustrating it is!
I have recently been studying the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet and a priest, who was ever so aware of God's presence and power. It is said that His vision of the valley of dry bones is a classic picture of God's ability to renew his people. In chap. 6 of this book he is speaking to the people of Israel and telling them about the word that came to him through the Lord. At least 4 times in this piece of scripture he ends a statement with "and you shall know that I am the Lord." This is just one prime example of what we should see as believers after and through every strife we go through, we should come out believing and saying "through this, I know that HE is Lord". Through our idols, strongholds, struggles, high places, etc. He will bring us to a place where we understand that "He is Lord"!
"Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!" Psalm 97:12
11 years ago
You have always found a way to be true to your self and your feelings and there is inner strength in that as well as your faith. Yes you are frustrated with the lack of progress and yes you feel physically tired.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing what you can and what you have been asked to do for things to get better and they will. This is another bump in the road and you will get through it because that is you.
We love you and will be there for you.