Oh, these times...

Man, the past week has been so different and difficult for me. Where I am in my recovery is becoming so frustrating to me, not knowing and understanding what is going on with my body, feeling like I am not getting any better and just wanting my be in my bed because that is where I am comfortable. I know this is a lot to vent on, and I'm sorry if it feels like I am on a "whoa is me" kick, but I am just sharing what I am feeling right now.

When I go to the dr. almost everytime I am asked, "hey, so do you feel depressed"? and my response has consistently been, "no" yet I feel that, that is the only answer that I right as a "Christian" to give. I feel like depression is so looked down upon in our faith because we are to look to the Lord for our strength and joy and ultimately have full joy and satisfaction in the Lord, all the time through everything (yes, every trial and tribulation). I'm not saying that my response to dr.'s would be different if this wasn't the case, but boy do I feel the pressure from other believers to give the "right" answer.

I am continually striving to pursue the Lord and find my strength and peace in Him and Him alone, but the battle or wrestling is not always easy to do or find. Especially, when this feels not so much as an emotional discomfort if you will, but truly a physical exhaustion that I have never experienced before. Oh so frustrating it is!

I have recently been studying the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet and a priest, who was ever so aware of God's presence and power. It is said that His vision of the valley of dry bones is a classic picture of God's ability to renew his people. In chap. 6 of this book he is speaking to the people of Israel and telling them about the word that came to him through the Lord. At least 4 times in this piece of scripture he ends a statement with "and you shall know that I am the Lord." This is just one prime example of what we should see as believers after and through every strife we go through, we should come out believing and saying "through this, I know that HE is Lord". Through our idols, strongholds, struggles, high places, etc. He will bring us to a place where we understand that "He is Lord"!

"Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!" Psalm 97:12

Norman Anderson

In a recent blog scroll I have been reading, I came across this lovely story of life and the meaning of it....wanted to share :)


Norman Anderson was a missionary for many years in the Moslem world. He was a recognised world expert in Islamic law and latter became the Director of the Advanced Legal Institute in London University. He was knighted by the Queen and became Sir Norman Anderson. Some of you may have also read the many books he wrote. But his personal life was full of tragedies.

His eldest daughter served as missionary in Congo. She was raped by the rebellious soldiers and as she was recovered in America, she fell down the stairs accidentally and died.

His second son also died in equally bizarre circumstances.

His youngest son, a brilliant student, was admitted to Cambridge University. But at the age of 21, he died suddenly because of a brain tumour.

Sir Norman is the modern day equivalent of Job, except, unlike Job, God did not even restore his family back to him in his lifetime. But his faith is anchored in eternity.

Sir Norman, just before his death in his mid-eighties, was asked a question at one of his last public meetings: "When you look back over your life and reflect on the fact that you have lost all your three children, and now your wife of sixty years no longer recognises you, do you ever ask the question, "Why me?" "

This was Sir Norman's response: "No, I've never asked the question, "Why me?" but I have asked the question, "Why not me?" I am not promised, simply because I am a Christian, that I will be delivered from all difficulties in this world. I am, however, promised that in the midst of difficulties, God through Christ will be present with me, and will give his grace to help me cope with the difficulties and bear witness to Him. After all, the stars shine brightest in the desert."

{restless}

I recently went to an Audrey Assad concert, which was absolutely amazing! Obviously from my last post you can see that I was struggling in my singleness a bit because I am trying to be in a place of utter contentment with the Lord and resting in Him. One of her songs hit me pretty hard (in a good way) and I wanted to share my thoughts :)

***********
Restless- Audrey Assad

You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)

Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart

Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry

I am restless until I rest in You


Written by Audrey Assad and Matt Maher
© 2010 River Oaks Music Company (BMI)
Matt Maher Publishing Designee
(Admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)