{thoughts on Psalm 139:13-16}

Now, don't get me wrong... I love reading through the Psalms and David's laments to the Lord. I love seeing and realizing that He is real, that he is human, that he struggled, and fought, tried to give up, fought some more and continued crying out. Throughout the book of Psalms we get 150 of these songs/laments mostly of David crying out, reaching out, and on his face before the Lord. Where are our modern day Davids'? Anyone else have that question????

So here goes, Psalm 139:13-16

[13] For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

[14] I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

[15] My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

[16] Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16 ESV)

Now, with all of this health stuff continuing, I would be lying if I told you I was not fighting with this truth....I have been upset, frustrated, emotionally drained and honestly exhausted of trying to understand where the Lord has me right now and why I am dealing with this. A friend pointed me to James 1:1-4 and I got angry...I didn't want to hear that I should be thankful for this trial I am enduring, but I read it and have been meditating on it. I have also been trying to be thankful and joyous through all of this.

For those of you who read this and aren't sure where I am coming from right now, I am working though more medical testing for a multitude of other symptoms I have been having. Specifically last week, we got news back that yes, everything pointed to one answer and if it was actually that diagnosis then things would really start looking up...I would be feeling better, etc. just by changing my diet, mostly. But, you guessed it...that diagnosis came back negative. I took the news in from the Dr. with a gulp and lump in my throat followed by many tears...but started reflecting on words I had just read the night before...

"Being thankful always precedes a miracle....eucharisteo meaning Thankful....have thanks and be thankful in everything, even in the mess"-Ann Voskamp (paraphrase and emphasis added from Me)

I start asking myself...how in the world can I be thankful in this...when there are no answers right now, when we have to start "searching" once again..hmmm Yet, scripture kept floating in my head. I flipped back to Psalm 139 and began reading. I stopped quickly faced with this reminder that God, MY MAKER, CREATOR, ALMIGHTY God formed me...He alone knitted me together...then it says, "I praise you...." hold on a minute!!!!!! I praise you....I praise the Lord...I praise the one who formed me...I praise the one who knew and knows what is going on in me...wait, what?!?! David says, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" WHOA! My thoughts...can I actually say that I know that in my heart right now? Yes, I can absolutely say that I know this is truth, that is is active today as much as it was real and active for David, but my heart says, how can I be wonderfully made, when I am sick? When my body is killing itself?

There is a very special word used mostly throughout the Psalms...it is Selah. 

Now there is some debate on what it directly translates to but most scholars believe it means "to pause"; "to praise". I love this...it means...hold up a minute, what you just read was PROFOUND! Selah is not used in this Psalm, but I paused and tried to process what I was reading, what I know as truth and what my heart was telling me at that time...I was frustrated, yet I always come back to this...the day I found out about my tumor (which started all of this medical stuff) I prayed that morning in my time with the Lord that I would get to experience Him in a new way...I had never experienced Him as my healer. BOOM! 


So I continue reading...verse 15- when I was being made is secret, INTRICATELY woven in the depths of the earth...wow,  I should catch that, should have more peace than even knowing that the Creator of the Universe, created me and formed me and breathed life into me... I should have peace that He clearly knows me and is aware of every sickness I will have... I desire so much glorify Him with everything I am. So I am saying this now and proclaiming it loud...My life, everything I am is in His hands (no where better to be)....I have peace that He is in control, He knows all diagnoses, He gives the Dr.'s the wisdom and knowledge and in His perfect timing and in His will I will be healed...yet I also recognize and believe that only if it is His will, I will be healed and yet I am absolutely called to glorify and make His name known in every season of my life.


I pray daily that I will be in a place where I can serve Him to my greatest potential, that I will be in a place to glorify His name above every other name and that I would live and love in the center of His will. THANK YOU JESUS for this season...I love to live in the valley because there I am closest to my knees and bow out of adoration of you.