Passion.Desire.Pursuit.Intimacy

{old or new}

2012-01-29T18:38:00.000-08:00

Over the past few weeks, I have been challenging myself to ask more questions, more probing questions. Whether they are silly little findings or contradictory debating questions. In my attempts to lessen assumptions and grow in knowledge, I am challenging myself. I kind of took this all a step farther and when I ask myself a question, I also ask a couple close friends. I want to see what they think and believe as well. I do, however, make sure to answer the question myself before I read any of their answers.

Anyway, to get on with this whole post...my friend decided to ask me a question the other day and I'm not going to lie, it has taken my about 5 days to research and answer. He asked, "Is the earth old or new, and how does it affect the integrity of Scripture?"

So, I know where I stand on this and I want to hear what you think...whoever you may be...challenge yourself :)

{One Day}

2011-12-24T11:02:00.000-08:00

This is so exciting and I was talking to a friend the other day when she said, "I don't know if you are blogging any more, but you really need to write that down." So here goes, this is just a quick reminder of how great and powerful our God is...

So the other day I was at my favorite coffee shop in town and I was reflecting on what the Lord has shown me in the past couple months and what I have been asking for that maybe he has not revealed to me quite yet. In that sweet moment I was journaling and thought, man I really need to hear a word from you right now Lord. My heart was heavy and thoughts were scrambled, but I knew one thing for sure was that I needed to hear from the Lord in his amazingly sweet voice. I asked one thing and that was to know that one day, just one day that I would feel normal again from all of this sickness. Believing that He could absolutely speak to me, I started my study for that day in a book that I am doing with my life group called, Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. I remembering opening the study to where I left off and began reading. The story/scripture that I was looking at was when the Lord was leading Moses to the burning bush in Exodus. The scripture starts off reading, "ONE DAY"!!!!!! Ok Lord, I get it, I thought quickly....ONE DAY, that one day promise that I will feel better and normal again. This is the first time, other than my salvation that I have felt a real promise from the Lord directly relating to my life. How stinking cool is that!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to share and maybe give hope to someone that is feeling similar to me :) Also, this song by Shane and Shane has been on my heart and giving me amazing hope the past couple days...

MIracle by Shane and Shane

Every week I hear a story of a miracle
And if I'm honest I'm tired of seeing none at all
I don't need to see a dead man come alive
All I want is You to fill me up inside

I need You Lord
Even more than the air I breathe
I need You Lord
Right away
I need You Lord
Every minute of every day
I need You Lord
Right away

Today I'm asking for a miracle
Anything you got God big or small
I don't need to see the cancer go away
All that I want is to know that it will be OK

I need You, I need You

reality check

2011-09-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

I know it has been awhile, but felt like writing...I have been feeling so different and abnormal lately and I kinda of somewhat need to write about everything I am learning and realizing. This past weekend I had the opportunity to go and visit some friends down in ft. myers and had a great encouraging talk with them, but had an amazingly difficult realization of where I am in life right now with emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. I have been trapping myself in this world of comfort that when I try to venture from it, I become ridiculously anxious and uncomfortable....why? you may ask, I have no clue, but I have learned to make great excuses in my recovery. Now I know that at times I am hard on myself and yes, I do think and know that this is a time of recovery and rest for me, but I have become a different person. I am fearing, literally fearing almost every opportunity that arises. This is such an unhealthy place to be and one that many people get stuck in and that is another fear of mine. I don't want to be here forever, but the fear of thinking that I am never going to get better is out of control! I think really what I need to do and I know that I need to do this, is to surrender it all to the Lord and let Him control my thoughts and actions my fears and passions my everythings...(that could at some point turn into a song..haha) So I am going to stop typing right now and start praying to my awesome soverign God....would you join me in my prayer for healing? I would love and appreciate that!

Oh, these times...

2011-08-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Man, the past week has been so different and difficult for me. Where I am in my recovery is becoming so frustrating to me, not knowing and understanding what is going on with my body, feeling like I am not getting any better and just wanting my be in my bed because that is where I am comfortable. I know this is a lot to vent on, and I'm sorry if it feels like I am on a "whoa is me" kick, but I am just sharing what I am feeling right now.

When I go to the dr. almost everytime I am asked, "hey, so do you feel depressed"? and my response has consistently been, "no" yet I feel that, that is the only answer that I right as a "Christian" to give. I feel like depression is so looked down upon in our faith because we are to look to the Lord for our strength and joy and ultimately have full joy and satisfaction in the Lord, all the time through everything (yes, every trial and tribulation). I'm not saying that my response to dr.'s would be different if this wasn't the case, but boy do I feel the pressure from other believers to give the "right" answer.

I am continually striving to pursue the Lord and find my strength and peace in Him and Him alone, but the battle or wrestling is not always easy to do or find. Especially, when this feels not so much as an emotional discomfort if you will, but truly a physical exhaustion that I have never experienced before. Oh so frustrating it is!

I have recently been studying the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet and a priest, who was ever so aware of God's presence and power. It is said that His vision of the valley of dry bones is a classic picture of God's ability to renew his people. In chap. 6 of this book he is speaking to the people of Israel and telling them about the word that came to him through the Lord. At least 4 times in this piece of scripture he ends a statement with "and you shall know that I am the Lord." This is just one prime example of what we should see as believers after and through every strife we go through, we should come out believing and saying "through this, I know that HE is Lord". Through our idols, strongholds, struggles, high places, etc. He will bring us to a place where we understand that "He is Lord"!

"Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!" Psalm 97:12

Norman Anderson

2011-08-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

In a recent blog scroll I have been reading, I came across this lovely story of life and the meaning of it....wanted to share :)

Norman Anderson was a missionary for many years in the Moslem world. He was a recognised world expert in Islamic law and latter became the Director of the Advanced Legal Institute in London University. He was knighted by the Queen and became Sir Norman Anderson. Some of you may have also read the many books he wrote. But his personal life was full of tragedies.

His eldest daughter served as missionary in Congo. She was raped by the rebellious soldiers and as she was recovered in America, she fell down the stairs accidentally and died.

His second son also died in equally bizarre circumstances.

His youngest son, a brilliant student, was admitted to Cambridge University. But at the age of 21, he died suddenly because of a brain tumour.

Sir Norman is the modern day equivalent of Job, except, unlike Job, God did not even restore his family back to him in his lifetime. But his faith is anchored in eternity.

Sir Norman, just before his death in his mid-eighties, was asked a question at one of his last public meetings: "When you look back over your life and reflect on the fact that you have lost all your three children, and now your wife of sixty years no longer recognises you, do you ever ask the question, "Why me?" "

This was Sir Norman's response: "No, I've never asked the question, "Why me?" but I have asked the question, "Why not me?" I am not promised, simply because I am a Christian, that I will be delivered from all difficulties in this world. I am, however, promised that in the midst of difficulties, God through Christ will be present with me, and will give his grace to help me cope with the difficulties and bear witness to Him. After all, the stars shine brightest in the desert."

{restless}

2011-08-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

I recently went to an Audrey Assad concert, which was absolutely amazing! Obviously from my last post you can see that I was struggling in my singleness a bit because I am trying to be in a place of utter contentment with the Lord and resting in Him. One of her songs hit me pretty hard (in a good way) and I wanted to share my thoughts :)

***********
Restless- Audrey Assad

You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)

Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart

Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry

I am restless until I rest in You

Written by Audrey Assad and Matt Maher
© 2010 River Oaks Music Company (BMI)
Matt Maher Publishing Designee
(Admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

Things that make me say, "Hmmm..."

2011-07-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

1. Boys- they confuse me, sometimes irritate me, make me re-think a lot, and sometimes sad to say- make my heart hurt. Please, by no means am I saying right now that I was "n love" or even really seriously liking a boy, but I am terrible at even beginning to understand them, their motives, and did I say them in general???

Goodness! Lord, would you please just take my eyes and set them upon you and when the time is right put that person in front of me and let me not fall into this pit of destruction that I would be lying in if it wasn't for you!

2. The thought of even thinking about an intimate relationship...ha ha

3. How wonderfully, loving and gracious my God is!

4. Silly people at concerts that clap at the wrong time or clap so loudly you want to turn around and smack them in the face :)

5. Pretty much every time I am reading my Bible...(this is a good thing, I think)

6. What God is going to teach me in the next week, shoot even tomorrow

7. Why God takes such great people that mean so much in your life, out of your life and move you forward

8. school

9. witness strangers do something I think is very, let's say "different", not knowing their motives behind it

10. last but not least....why I am writing this post..hahahahaha

Lord, let me rest in you....

by nature...

2011-07-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

In a recent book I am reading by Max Lucado, "He Did This Just For You", Max makes a crushing point on the nature of our beings...
"According to the Bible, we are "by nature children of wrath" (Eph. 2:3). Is is not that we can't do good. We do. It's just that we cant keep from doing bad"..."There is none righteous, not even one...All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:10,23).

As I think about this truth and then my life I cannot help but be forever grateful for the grace and mercy of Jesus. For His perfect life as an example for us that we so often, really let's be honest, all the time fail at. Sure, we can be good people and do good things, but we can't keep from doing wrong at the same time, more of the time.

Last night, I was talking to a friend of mine and sharing different things going on in my life that I have been learning or that I am unsure of. It became so much of the unaware that I am learning this, stage that I became overwhelmed with what was on my 'plate". Being a good friend, she spoke truth into my life and encouraged me to work through it with much prayer and study. I got home and finished reading Ecclesiastes where I had been learning that everything happens at a certain time, at the right time, and at the time that God has ordained it to happen. I was wondering where to read next, and for some unknown reason I started in Lamentations. The book of Lamentations is composed of 5 poems, which are each an expression of grief and sorrow over the fall of Jerusalem. Not really understanding why I was reading this, I dove in and was trying to understand where the writer was coming from...putting myself in his position, you can say. So from studying this sorrow and different aspects of grief, I was feeling even more "down" then previously until I came upon this verse... "Arise, cry out into the night, at the beginning of the night watches! Pour out your heart like water before the presence of the Lord!" Lamentations 2:19

Man, what a clear word from the Lord...Erin, would you just tell me what is on your mind...what your thoughts and worries are...difficulties, fears, unknowns...

I know I don't really have much to say in this post and it is not very specific, but I think I just want this to be an encouragement to you (whoever you are), to pour out your everything to the Lord...the best part, Psalm 121:3-4 "He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep."

Just some fun...

2011-07-06T15:25:00.001-07:00

A Time and a Place

2011-07-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15
"1TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:
2A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted,(A) 3A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, 4A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, 7A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,(B) 8A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.(C) 9 What profit remains for the worker from his toil? 10I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves. 11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. 12I know that there is nothing better for them than to be glad and to get and do good as long as they live; 13And also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor--it is the gift of God. 14I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it. And God does it so that men will [reverently] fear Him [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is].(D)15That which is now already has been, and that which is to be already has been; and God seeks that which has passed by [so that history repeats itself ]. (AMP)

After this week with many different things going on; being on vacation with some dear friends, reflecting on my past couple of months with surgery and all, recovering, and recently the verdict of the Casey Anthony trial, I have been rocked by this piece of scripture. Can you even count how many time we, by a multitude of people are told "There is a time and a place for everything"? In this piece of scripture it is said loud and clear in verse 1 "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"...and goes on to list about 20 different occasions and events that we experience in our lives. It is said that Kind Solomon wrote this poetic piece of scripture from events that were going on during his reign, also known as the "Preacher" he was looking back at the meaning of his life....which I find myself doing at this time.

To move forward with my point about the Casey Anthony trial...I am not going to sit a sulk from the verdict of the case. Do I believe that justice was served, that is a whole other post, but I do trust and know that my God knows exactly what happen and will judge her at the time in her life that will come, whether we like it or not. I am looking at verse 14, "I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him" (ESV) This not only gives me "peace" about this recent event in our lives, but with everything I can even begin to reminisce about.

As I sit and ponder about the meaning of justice, I began to ask myself many questions...according to disctionary.com justice means, the quality of being fair and reasonable...think about that..."For everything there is a season, and a time for EVERY matter under heaven..."

down and back

2011-06-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

numb fingers with hot coffee

2011-06-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at a starbucks in the area and I am freezing my fingers off as I am typing, but for some reason I am still sitting where the air is blowing furiously down at me and loving every single sip of my decaf caramel macchiato...YUM! There is some pretty sweet music playing in the back ground, not to loud but I can make out the lyrics...great blogging setting, right! So, ever since my last post, I have been thinking about what my next one would be, trying to keep this and all of my thoughts up to date. I have been debating PA (Physician Assistant) school for a couple months now and like I said in my last post, I am excited about the confirmation I got. A new semester or chapter of my life that for some reason I get to glance at. I say that only because there are not many times as we are following the Lord that He is so gracious to let us see what we are looking at. I'm not saying that things wont change or that there won't be surprises in the mean time, but goodness known I am not stressing out about what is next.

I have been reading this blog for a couple days www.theologyforwomen.org/2011_05_01_archive.html , and I have been so encouraged by this woman. In one of her posts about a month ago, she was talking about singleness and how it is not ok to be alone. Now, I have my own thoughts about this aspect about it not being "good" for you because the Lord knows how much I have grown from not being in a relationship but she made a very important point that I wanted to share with you all, wherever you are in your faith, in your life, in your relationships...
"If there is a lesson to learn in your singleness, it's to stay engaged with God in the wrestling. It's not to put to death longings that are part of your very God-given nature. And it's not to disengage with God because He refuses to answer those longings. It's to stay engaged with Him, alternately crying out in longing and resting in peace in His arms, calling on Him at every moment to meet the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs exposed by your unfulfilled longing. "

So, take out the word singleness and enter in the "struggle" that you are going through...come on, how powerful and true is this statement in your life? I have been studying the book of Hosea with my life group and I have been so challenged with the aspect of relationships. It struggle is so obvious that the Israelites are having (funny side note: I just saw the absolutely most gorgeous guy standing by me...my heart fluttered- me being vulnerable- then I see the wedding ring...HA) anyway, so the first 10 chapters of Hosea shows this huge wrestling match, or everything other than a wrestling match because that takes effort on both sides, this shows God's unrelenting grace and pursuit of our hearts. The Israelites are throwing out burnt offerings and sacrifices like it is going out of style, but my goodness they cannot grasp that they are far from glorifying God in their actions, in their lives. Through this, the Lord led me to Proverbs 2 "My son, if you receive my words and treasure my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining you heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints." How crazy that this becomes one of the greatest examples of the pursuit of a relationship as I am studying one of the greatest pursuits in the Bible. In chapter 11 God then gives us the greatest revelation- He says, the more they were called, the more they walked away; He himself led them, he said with cords of kindness with the bands of love and he fed them. Then a couple verses later He says, "My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my burning anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath." HE does not and will not give up on us for move away from us...good truth, goooooood truth.

Now my coffee is cold, what to do-what to do...I think go home :)

Seeking Confirmation

2011-06-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

So, I know I haven't written in forever, but I think I am going to get back to it :) Just the other day I was taking part in a Bible study called, Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Schrier. GREAT study, so far and she made a really important point that hit me smack in the face. Most of the session was about the Holy Spirit and how this generation is "missing" the whole importance of this aspect of our faith. It is like a blank canvas to us, we just don't get it. So, near the end of the study she gives 5 M's of discerning the voice of God...I am thinking...wow this is the trick I have been missing for so long. 5 simple questions to ask myself when I am seeking an answer. But, something much more than that came to me as I was listening. The last M was, expecting the mercy of His confirmation. My thought: interesting...asking for confirmation; meaning we have already received an answer, but we are seeking more of a response. Hmmm, I am still caught up on this and if you read this (for some reason :)) let me know your thoughts! So as I am thinking about this, I start reflecting on what I am going through at the moment to see where this can be a thought. I think I was always taught and told that when the Lord speaks to you, and you recognize it (bc we all know sometimes we need an extra push), to act on it. I feel like if we are seeking confirmation then because we have already heard from the Lord then we are not acting. Don't get me wrong...I fully believe and understand that we need to make sure that we are discerning His voice apart from ours and others, but I kind of feel that it is questioning His answer to us.

Any who, throughout my mind going crazy about this whole thought process, I almost started laughing, I mean lets be real, I did start laughing out loud because the Lord totally gave me confirmation about going back to school. Now that is a whole other story, but how funny!

tell me what you think!

Psalm 118

2009-09-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

Psalm 118

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.

2 Let all Israel repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
3 Let Aaron’s descendants, the priests, repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
4 Let all who fear the Lord repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”

5 In my distress I prayed to the Lord,
and the Lord answered me and set me free.
6 The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.
What can mere people do to me?
7 Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me.
I will look in triumph at those who hate me.
8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in people.
9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.

10 Though hostile nations surrounded me,
I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.
11 Yes, they surrounded and attacked me,
but I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.
12 They swarmed around me like bees;
they blazed against me like a crackling fire.
But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.
13 My enemies did their best to kill me,
but the Lord rescued me.
14 The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has given me victory.
15 Songs of joy and victory are sung in the camp of the godly.
The strong right arm of the Lord has done glorious things!
16 The strong right arm of the Lord is raised in triumph.
The strong right arm of the Lord has done glorious things!
17 I will not die; instead, I will live
to tell what the Lord has done.
18 The Lord has punished me severely,
but he did not let me die.

19 Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,
and I will go in and thank the Lord.
20 These gates lead to the presence of the Lord,
and the godly enter there.
21 I thank you for answering my prayer
and giving me victory!

22 The stone that the builders rejected
has now become the cornerstone.
23 This is the Lord’s doing,
and it is wonderful to see.
24 This is the day the Lord has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.
25 Please, Lord, please save us.
Please, Lord, please give us success.
26 Bless the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
We bless you from the house of the Lord.
27 The Lord is God, shining upon us.
Take the sacrifice and bind it with cords on the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will praise you!
You are my God, and I will exalt you!

29 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.

-Thank you to Biblegateway for the copy and paste

2009-09-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

all I can say is God is sooooo good! We are so blessed to serve such an amazing God!

"go punch Satan in the face, PUNK"

This Summer

2009-08-19T21:33:00.001-07:00

WOW!!!!! This summer has absolutely flown by and I cannot believe it, but I am 20-freakin-2 now! HA I love it but dislike that fact that people now call me OLD...eh I think they are just jealous..right? Anyway- this summer has been so full of amazing things and in all of them I can see how the Lord has molded me and transformed my heart, mind, and soul. Right after school ended for the summer I got to fly up to get Michelle for Haiti. We had a 28 hour drive back to FL so we took some fun pictures :) Three weeks ago now I had the opportunity to lead a mission trip to Jeremie, Haiti.

I could sit here and blog about everything I experienced and the people I met, the stench, the scenery, what God taught me, and so much more and you would not even begin to understand the greatness of God on that trip! All I can say it- WOW GOD! Then last week was my 22nd Birthday and I was able to celebrate down in the Keys for Lobster season with some family and a friend of mine...too much fun! I could be out on a boat everyday and love every minute! Last night some of my great friend threw my first surprise birthday party for me ever! It was hillarious- because it started at 10pm and I was absolutely exhausted from the day, but they seemed to keep me awake when I thought I was getting to bed at 9:45pm that night...funny how that works :) I am so incredibly grateful and blessed to have the friends and family that I have...I hope you all know that I love you all so much and am beyond grateful for your friendship God has blessed us with. Honestly- when they surprised me last night I didn't have a reaction and I just kind of stood there is mere shock-but realized later that at that moment I wanted to cry- not at the fact that I was scared because I walked into a dark room with people screaming at me, but because these friend took so much time out of their day, money out of their pockets, to celebrate me? WOW, I have been so wrapped up in the idea of putting others before self and it was a clear picture to me last night. Tonight I got to celebrate with the Cabrera Family :) one of my fav's! It was wonderful to get to finally hang out with them (those people are on vacation every other day....) so, I came over and got to hang out with the kids for a while then enjoy dinner with Emily on my lap eating not the cake in front of her but my food...funny girl! I love her though, and my Max(ie) boy, and pretty much the greatest parents ever :) love you guys, thanks so much for a great night!

My Dad

2009-06-22T14:04:00.001-07:00

So as we all know, Father's Day was yesterday and I was able to spend it with my Daddy!
I decided to make a list of things that I love about him and I don't know but just wanted to post about it...so here goes in no particular order..

1. HILLARIOUS! my Dad is so funny! I love how he can always make me laugh and cheer me up when I am down. We can laugh about any and everything and then when one of us chokes we laugh even harder. We love making my mom laugh like no one else is able to.

2. His encouragement- yes my Dad is hard on my sometimes, but He comes back with something encouraging all the time. Perfect example, yesterday we were taking out the trash and I said, "I love you Daddy, thanks for being you" and right away he came abck and just said, "I'm proud of you!'

3. Hugs!- hugs from my Dad are the Best! He knows how to give the most perfect hug ever!

4. His love- when He tells me He loves me- which is all the time, I just know in his voice that He is so sincere...

5. His perseverance- he has been through so much through the past couple years, losing his job a couple times, switching jobs, learning new jobs, finding new jobs, havinga stroke, etc. and he continues to push through all the time!

I would write more but my computer is going to DIE.....ahhhhh bye

1 John 1:8-10

2009-06-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make hi out to be a liar and his word is not in us."

So since this whole revelation thing going on in this head/heart of mine I have been stuck on this passage in 1 John, pretty much all of chapter one. I know we have all probably read this many times but the first verse caught me like I have never read it before..."That which was from the BEGINNING" - the beginning, SERIOUSLY that is intense! The piece of scripture from the start of this post has been so incredibly encouraging to me-pretty much if we say we have no sin we are just ridiculous and are wrong AND to top that off the truth of God isn't present in our lives...then, it says, if we confess our sins, our God is faithful AND just AND will forgive us our sins AND purify us from ALL unrighteousness...OUR GOD IS SO AMAZING! I have not even begun to grasp this message, it is unreal, mind boggling, and explains why I have faith, believe and serve this mighty God!

Verse 5 of the same passage says that God is light, and in him there is NO darkness! Do you get this? NO darkness!!!!!!!! Before that it states something so particular and a huge part of this passage- "We say this to make our JOY complete". We are called to be joyful in EVERYTHING we do, how we act, etc. and this passage John is stating this to make our Joy complete, to rejoice in his goodness and love and grace that he pours uncontrollably over us.Dude- I don't know what you get from this, but I am in awe...

Who am I?

2009-05-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is going to be all over the place, but try and stay with me...

(sorry for the size of the pictures) BUT- I began to think today about what my life looks like. I'm not trying to hide anything on here and I am going to be totally honest because God showed me a huge revelation today. I am so guilty of thinking I am better than others (doesn't matter who) and filling myself of pride. It broke me in half today reflecting on how self-centered my life is. I will tell you over and over again that I desire to be a woman of God, utterly and passionately in love with my Creator, but when I turn away, you could be so fooled by my pursuit. Now I understand that everyone has struggles and I once heard quote from I believe Beth Moore, "If you think you don't struggle with pride, then you are prideful." Harsh reality huh? At times I can say that I am on a "passionate pursuit of God" but recently it has been when I want to or when I can make time for it. I found myself tonight trying to do everything I could before spending time with Jesus-Laundry, biking, swimming, reading my Microbiology book, calling people to hang out, TV, etc. but I found myself face down on a towel outside my house crying out to God because I have become so lost and caught up in the world! BIG SURPRISE--NOT! How captivating the world can be, even with school. I am in a position right now where an A in micro is crucial to me Graduating...How the heck can I expect God to help me through it and "give me the desires of my heart" when I am not giving Him the time of day and not holding Him, MY GOD, as my greatest joy in life? It is what He calls us to do, "When you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart" -Psalm 37:4. We focus, or at least I am guilty of being caught in the giving of desires of my heart and forgetting the delighting in the one who MADE me.

I realized that I had in a way lost myself, my identity, my motives-I could only ask, who am I? It is so sad that I let myself drift in a way I thought I had already conquered, but I think that was my first problem...thinking I had already gotten through it. From the pictures in the beginning- I can say that I am all of those at once right now. My heart is flooded with emotions and I am literally trembling and in utter fear of God. I am amazed at how BIG he is and that doesn't even hit close to a bulls eye of his massiveness. "Time after time you have been forgotten, you have ran after me, and I was still running away, but God you never give up on me, I am weak and you are strong, but you tell me I still belong, God you never give up on me..." those are the words running through my head right now.

I was out with some good friends the other night, one that I haven't seen in a while and He was talking about some friends up North. He began to explain this girl that he knows from school. He explained her as, "An absolutely beautiful girl because she is more in love with Jesus than anyone I know. She is so focused on Him and to glorifying Him that she acts and is totally content with treating this relationship she has with Jesus as her true husband." He said, "this just makes me want to be around her more"...

Oh God, forgive me. I am called to be the bride of Christ and to glorify you, and I have been everything but that. God you never give up on me and I know that is a promise, I have used your grace as a reason to turn the other way, but God will you lift me up from my fall? I am so weak God but you are strong! Make me your servant God, show me your heart. Lord my heart is in half right now not because your truth has hit me, but God it is because of your great love for me and how I can fall at your feet in repentance because of your insurmountable grace. Lead me to your cross...I am putting down my life- may you become greater and make me much less.

and you call me beautiful...

2009-01-28T20:05:00.001-08:00

I've been waiting
For a hero who's brave and strong-
Someone to love me,
Someone to tell me I belong,
So I pretend I'm satisfied,
And I stand watching on the sidelines,
Till You pull me into the light
And say, "It's Your turn now,
Welcome to your life!"

(Chorus)
And You call me beautiful,
And say You've loved me all along,
And You've always held the keys to unlock my soul
Oh You call me beautiful

There's a smile on my face,
And a brand new light in my eyes,
It's a new day,
And I've never felt so alive-
I feel as if I could conquer anything,
Oh thats what Your love has done for me,
And now all I want to be,
Is everything You want me to be-

(Chorus)
And You call me beautiful,
And say You've loved me all along,
And You've always held the keys
To unlock my soul, But I didn't know-
Now I can finally start to live,
Take those chances I have missed,
Things will be much different,
Now that I know
You call me beautiful

(Bridge)
The story is better than I could dream after all,
Now this is reality
To know You and to hear You call me beautiful
Call me beautiful-
Now I can finally start to live,
Take those chances I have missed,
Things will be much different,
Now that I know-
Now that I know
You call me beautiful

Ginny Owens - call me beautiful

Perfect Love

2008-12-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

I have climbed the platform of my ambition. The flight of steps leads toward my dreams and aspirations. I know for sure this is the place God has called me to. Every path has led in this direction. Every counsel has affirmed His plan. Every path has led in this direction. Every counsel has affirmed His plan. Friends have climbed steps with me. Others have prayed me up from down below.

Finally, I am at the top and I can see the unfolding vista of God's design. This is not the end, but the first of many platforms to come. It has taken so long to climb this one, and I get to the top with aching muscles, a little out of breath. But fear has climbed with me. He is laughing at my aches and pains. He says that I should be in better shape if I'm going to get to the next platform. He makes me feel worthless. He leans into my weakness and pushes every button.

I stand at the top of my calling, listening tho the doubts that surround me. I decided to talk it through. Ask a few more people. Weigh each fear and discuss the implications. Maybe I should do more research. Maybe I don't deserve this now. Maybe I should go back down the steps and rethink the whole thing. Fear has raised some good issues.

But a gentle voice calls to me. It is the most confident voice I have ever heard. He is not impatient. He is not flustered. I sounds like He is speaking to me through a smile. He is calm and assured. He is strong and persuasive.

Perfect love yells to me, "(Erin), you are tied on. I promised. This is the place I have led you to. This is exactly the right time. You are not a weak-willed woman anymore because you are desperate for Me. Tell fear to step aside. Trust Me. I have you. Now, shut up and jump."

Jesus, you have me...my heart is yours and I will not be shaken.

HE is in control....

2008-12-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

WELL long time- so my last post being about exams....HA!
All of my exams have been really great! Except one- HUGE
prayer request!

So friday the 12th I go to take my last final- I was feeling
so confident and excited to be done with this semester. Well,
I go to find it on my online call and it's not there! Gone!
Come to find out I was suppose to take it the friday before on
the 5th. What professor has an exam 2 weeks before exam week?
AHHH! Anyways, please please please pray for me about this...
it's a very sticky situation...but I have peace and I know that
God is in control.

exams

2008-11-29T12:18:00.001-08:00

So final exams of my Senior year are quickly approaching...two weeks from now I will
be done with my Fall semester of Senior year! One of my professors had this poem on our final exam page for the class and I had to share it...

'Twas the night before finals,

and all through the college,

the students were praying

for last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,

but none touched their beds,

while visions of essays

danced in their heads.

out in the taverns,

a few were still drinking,

and hoping that liquor

would loosen their thinking.

In my room, I had been pacing,

and dreading exams

I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,

her nose in her books,

and my comments to her

drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,

and brewed a new pot,

no longer caring

that my nerves were all shot.

I stared at my notes,

but my thoughts were muddy,

My eyes went ablur,

I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"

I said with a shiver,

But each place I called

refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded

that life was too cruel,

with futures depending

on grades had in school.

When all of a sudden,

our door opened wide,

and Patron Saint Put-It-Off

ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,

his manner was mellow,

all of a sudden he started to bellow.

"On Cliff notes, on Crib notes,

on last year's exams,

on wing-it and sling-it,

and last minute crams!"

His message delivered,

he vanished from sight.

But we heard him laughing

outside in the night.

Your teachers have pegged you,

so just do your best.

HAPPY FINALS TO ALL,

and TO ALL A GOOD TEST.

so if you are reading this and have an exam to take....GOOD LUCK!

Tame It!

2008-11-25T11:48:00.000-08:00

Gross right? I have never actually thought a tongue was so gross...
Yesterday in my time with the Lord I felt led to start reading James,
so today I continued reading...I know its a short book, but truly
has soooo much information in it. Whoa! Anyway, I began reading in
Chapter 3, which talks about taming your tongue. Here is a small
peek, "the tongue is a small part or the body, but it makes great
boasts." WHAT?!?!?! I was like, HOLD UP a minute...but man is it
so incredibly true. A tongue is this ugly flap of I don't even know
that helps you pronounce words, makes faces, sound out things, make
sounds, eat, etc. but it is also a thing that lets mean words be said,
boast about yourself, your job, etc... you get what I'm saying.
Read some more..."It corrupts the whole, get that WHOLE, person, sets
the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
WHOA! more..."...but no one can tame the tongue...It is a restless evil, full
of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, AND with it we
curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness."
Can I throw up yet?
Then it goes on to explain even more..."Can both fresh water and salt water
flow from the same spring?" Heck to the no...

I am flabbergasted! haha fun word, but for real- what comes out of your mouth
after you leave church, eating with the family, around friends, at work,
speaking to one you may not like so much...it's something to think about
that's for sure! I am so convicted by this piece of scripture today.
I have to ask myself this question- is my tongue praising God my Maker
in one setting and then in another setting bashing his loved children
that HE made from his own likeness?

I hope you get my heart here...I have no room to judge at all and man,
whether you have a tongue that spits out ugliness or hatred or judgement
or whatever else you can spit out...think about this scripture.

Beautiful

2008-11-21T12:53:00.000-08:00

- Do you think I'm Beautiful? (by: Angela Thomas)

Beautiful
God, I'm struggling here.
I believe that You said it, but did You really mean it about me?
Good grief, You see me in the shower, for heaven's sake.
Beautiful is not the first word that would pop into my head.
Average might be the word I'd use. Common. Ordinary.
But not beautiful.
If anyone knows the truth about this body, it's You. Every jiggle and wiggle. Every sag and bag. You witness my attempts to harness it all up and suck it all in. You see me first thing in the morning every single day.
And beyond my body, there is my heart. Again, beautiful doesn't really come to mind here either. Flawed. Inconsistent. Petty. Insecure. All those words seem to speak the truth that hides inside me.
How could You call me beautiful?
Are You sure? I know You are God and of course You're sure, but maybe You had some poetic imagery in mind. Maybe You were speaking in broad terms about the beauty of Your creation. Did you really think of me when You said, "The king is enthralled with your beauty"?
I keep hearing these whispers in my head,"Don't believe it, don't believe all of it. Sounds too good to be true. Could be like the guy who said I was beautiful but forgot to call me back. He only meant it in the moment, not for real."
Believing. It seems to be the key to the whole deal with You. I desperately want to believe but unbelief interrupts my effort. Doubts come to me. Skepticism speaks to me. Sometimes I hear what others haven't said about me more loudly than I can hear You. I have believed in You almost all my life, so why does unbelief still whisper to me? Why am I prone to incline my head and listen?

- great book- liked the passage

numbered

2008-11-12T20:25:00.000-08:00

We hear so often the quote, "Live each day as your last..."

What do you think about that? When you hear it, what is your
response? Do you even think twice about it?

It hit me today- a friend text me and asked me to keep her
family in my prayers- my response was, "Yeah, whats up?"
Her response: well...my Daddy was running this morning
and had a heart attack and died on the side of the road."

I cannot even explain what I was thinking- but it hit me
square in the face- how do I live my days, bc I sure do
not know when it is my time... I live thinking that I will
be here until I am in my 90s...old, frail, sitting at home
watching soaps...Blech! But, back on topic- saying I love you
can be awkward sometimes, but God calls us to LOVE others as
ourselves. I get so caught up in, oh this is awkward so I just
wont say it, i'll just write it or text it- DUMB!DUMB! DUMB!
Show it, say it, and do it- if they think it's weird- oh well
it's a command!

So anyway- I am pretty shaken up about this whole thing-
The funeral is Sat. so I will be there for most of the
afternoon. Please if you are reading this, lift up the
Davenport family, with peace poured over them and to
see God's unfailing and everlasting love....

I love you guys! (hahahah)

smack!!!!!

2008-11-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night, history was made right before my eyes. As we all know Obama was elected as our next President of the United States.
I'm not going to lie- I felt sick to my stomach (no joke) I literally felt like I was going to throw up. I was sitting at dinner with some friends with my eyes glued to the tv. BOOM- the number went above 270 and there was a cheer in the restaurant. My heart went into my throat...

Being frustrated and with many mixed emotions about what is to come in the next 4 years- I know that God is in control. I went home and began to read the book, Desiring God, by John Piper. I'm not far along at all, but right when I picked it up- God had something to say to me.

"Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.

I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please."
-Isaiah 46:9-10

I went to bed feeling better...

rock my socks off....

2008-11-03T07:59:00.001-08:00

So this morning I was finishing the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. I was on the last page of the book and anxious to be done with it. (I love the feeling of being done with one book and ready to start another). Anyway, Stasi is making a point by looking at a film, Anna and the King. This is what was wrote, "The setting is in the nineteenth-century Siam, a tiny but beautiful Asian country still in the grips of its ancient past. Anna, an English woman living in Siam as s tutor to the king's many offspring, has helped King Mangkut prepare for a state dinner. He wants to show the British that his country is ready to enter into the affairs of the world, so the dinner is given in the English style-silverware, tablecloths, candlelight, and, at the end of the meal, ballroom dancing. When the feast is over and it comes time for the first dance, the king stands and extends his hand to Anna. He invites her to dance with him. He fixes hes gaze upon her and is distracted by nothing and no one else. He waits for her response. She is clearly surprised, taken back, but has the grace to respond and stand. As the walk past the long table, the king's eyes never stray from hers, a smile playing on his lips. Others are upset that he has chosen her. Some watch with contempt, others with pleasure. It is of no consequence to the king or to Anna. Anna came to the ball prepared. She was beautiful in a striking gown that shimmered like starlight. She spent hours getting herself ready- her hair, her dress, her HEART. As they reach the dance floor, Anna expresses her fear of dancing with the King before the eyes of others. "We wouldn't want to end up in a heap," she says. His answer to her questioning heart? "I am King. I will lead." Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, "May I have this dance...every day of your life?" His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He cares nothing of the opinion of others. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response."

My lover spoke and said to me,
"Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me." (Song 2:10)

5K anyone????

2008-11-03T07:35:00.001-08:00

So I am starting to train for my first 5K and half marathon! I am going to do the disney princess because it is only girls and guys can't smoke you...(hence the picture) I figured since volleyball is over and I don't want to run inside, then why not train outside...for a 5K. I mean, before I honestly thought, who in their right mind would want to run outside for hours (1/2 marathon) because it will take me hours...lol but really...so I decided (after a friend driving me crazy about it) to try it out. So here goes day 1...OFF day!

ha ha gotta love training schedules! I'll catch you up on the rest of the week...when I'm actually training!

...and I will allure her

2008-10-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

So as we can all tell from my last post- a little upset, woe is me, complaining a tad much, over exaggerating, anything and everything else...well I have thought about it a lot. Reflecting on life, being in the word this week has led me back over and over again to 1 Peter 3:3-5- Inner beauty being the main theme. Good, great, love it- God speaks through that verse more than I could imagine. So as I am being led to this piece of scripture, I am also led to read the book Captivating, by Stasi Eldridge. Great book! I read is about 2.5 years ago and times in between, but this time I am really reading it. lol...It led me to a couple verses in Hosea, specifically 2:6-7, and 2:14-"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." Gesh- how amazing is this- The God of the universe, our maker, lover, best friend- will allure me (meaning to attract or charm) and speak tenderly- sweetly, lovingly...I don't know why this blows me away to the extent that it does, but I love it. Kinda cheesy, but I have this set time during my day, everyday, where I have what I know call DQ time. Daily questions- they are questions that I hear or think of through reading, studying the word, etc. that I can and need to ask myself daily. The ones I am currently thinking through and keeping in front of me are- Asking Jesus to she me my beauty...- Jesus, how are you romancing me right now?- and God, what do you see in me?

single friends dwindling OR friends doubling????

2008-10-23T17:55:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to think about, to live a life of singleness, be consumed by almost everyone around you in relationships, getting engaged, married, having babies- it's hard- no doubt. It's me right now. I'm trying to capture the moment...I have to an extent, but am I content? I mean- I long to be in a relationship, I see it all around me: people in love, families going around town, being pregnant... I love it. I want it- I'll get it, just not right now. I understand that, but for some reason it is so hard to let it go. "Put it in God's hands" ok- and when you don't see anything happen for a while and another couple gets married- here it comes again... CONGRATS! woo... why is it so hard? I just want to be content with where I am now, what God has called me to do right now, and live it up- our days are numbered. It's a "fun" game right- sometimes I don't like playing.

Family Reunion!!!!

2008-10-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

Man, last Sunday we had a family reunion at my Aunt and Uncle's house in Dansville. It is not far from Rochester, where I went for my cousins wedding and we went out there because my grandparents (on Dads side) were leaving to come back to Fl the next day! It was kind of a emotional shock to me though. As we are all sitting there enjoying the company, my Grandma called me to come sit with her on the couch. Now I have a huge family, 6 aunts and uncles on both sides, so there were a ton of people there. My Grandma who is now I think 80, went through all of her photos of her kids (so my Dad) when she was home. She sat there and went through them all with me and was handing the ones of my dad for me to keep. I couldn't understand why she was doing this, and she said, "I am coming to the end of my road, so I wanted to get these out so you have them." I cannot express what went through my head. The pics are pretty funny though! We will just say, you learn a lot about your family as you go through pics. Ill post some soon...

Soooooooo Good!

2008-10-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

Oh man- I know I'm in Rochester, NY when I have some good ole Country Sweet. I am not kidding you- they have the absolute best chicken wings with the most amazing sauce you have ever put in your mouth. GOODNESS!!!!! It is a must every time we come to visit family here- today we literally got off the airplane and literally went directly to the restaurant. My mouth is salivating even thinking about it...YUM!